VAXXED through the eyes of an Autism Mom!

There’s a ton of reviews out there about the film Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe but I haven’t written mine yet, so here we go…

This last April just in time for Autism Awareness Month.. which I hate by the way, as I see it as nothing more than an in your face ritual child sacrifice to the cult of Baal or the God Moloch or some other such demonic being… Or at the least a marketing strategy that morbidly celebrates chemically induced brain damage… But anyway.. I hate autism awareness month and it’s not just that I hate it but for the past several years April is a month that brings out the worst in my severely autistic son, Aydan’s symptoms.. Could it be histamine? Or seasonal changes or what?? We’ve tested couldn’t find anything but yet it still happens.. Sound familiar autism moms?

Anyway.. though my name is April, I hate the month of April.. When T.S. Eliott wrote ‘April is the cruelest month..’ he wasn’t lying.. So, I ignored the Vaxxed news.  I didn’t have time to dwell on a film about what had happened to my vaccine injured child,  as I was too busy dealing with my vaccine injured child.  I wasn’t on any social media and didn’t have any interest, I just wanted my child to get better.. I just wanted to be his mommy and nothing else.

In the month of May I received an email notifying me that to my surprise a screening was about 5 minutes from my house with a filmmakers’ Q & A directly following the show. I live in a small town about an hour north of Los Angeles where the screening had appeared previously on my son’s birthday (ironically in April), so I didn’t go to that one nor do I go to much anything that is an hour away.. But here it was just 5 minutes..  I could get away for a couple of hours and go see it; and I did.

I knew what the film was about. I knew just about all the information presented. I knew that the CDC lied about the MMR vaccine / autism connection. I knew that Andrew Wakefield was precisely correct and that everything he described happening to his patients all of whom had gut disease and were subsequently diagnosed with autism following MMR vaccination, happened to my son in the exact same way.  I heard the mother’s in the film talk about their child’s regression into autism following MMR and it was exactly what had happened to mine.  I heard these stories 1000s of times from 1000s of parents..

So, I sat in the theater and expected to be under-whelmed by the information since after all I knew everything, right?  What I didn’t know was how seeing our story play out before my eyes would affect me emotionally.  Within the first 5 minutes I began to bite my lip in an effort to try to prevent the tears from streaming down my face… I couldn’t stop them.. I tried to clear my eyes, so I could see the screen but I had to look away several times just to compose myself.. I cried because I thought of all the things I had been too busy to deal with in the previous month.. I cried because I thought of all the years of struggle and wasted time… I cried because I thought of my son and his gut pain and how he dealt with it by hurting himself and others at times.. I cried because I felt loss… I cried because I was angry that as mothers we told this story 1000s of times and that it took exposing a bunch of lying officials for anyone to care.. Or even half care… I cried because I couldn’t help myself, it was just too much…

At the end of the film when producer, Del Bigtree asked the families’ of the vaccine injured to stand, I stood.. I didn’t want to as my knees were knocking and I knew once again it would be hard to compose myself..

Many people at the end stuck around to socialize and talk to the filmmakers but I was eager to get home to my family and I knew my time was limited.  When I arrived at home I could see a group of not to happy people. Chaos had ensued and yet another melt down had occurred followed by a number two, bathroom accident because well.. My son received the MMR vaccine and developed gut disease and was subsequently diagnosed with autism..  I mean.. Do I really need to keep saying this?  This scene has been common place since about mid-February and the thing that prompted me to write this essay is that it happened two more times just today.. And ‘yes’ he is toilet trained and ‘yes’ we have seen the doctor and run the tests and the tests have rendered us no answers.. Sound familiar autism moms?

So back to my review of Vaxxed.. I’m glad this information has finally come out of the shadow and into the light.  I’m grateful that there’s been a whistle-blower who had a crisis of conscience that will hopefully spare many children from the same fate as my son.  This film has awakened many including members of my own family to the truth, which is undeniably a positive move in the right direction.. But I still have to clean up poop from the porch and bring out my carpet cleaner a couple of times a week.. My son still has to suffer with severe gut pain and little to no ability to express his feelings… And I as his mother suffer right along with him. I wrote an essay about 6 years ago where I stated I would give my life to God if I could take away one.. just ONE vaccine that had been given to my son, because I know that seemingly small thing would make his life better today.  So Vaxxed?  Yes, it’s good film, an important film that everyone should see but it is a story about real people, a story about real suffering and a story that should have never needed to be told.. And unfortunately, it’s a story that can’t take away the damage that has been done.

The Holidays on Autism (And Loving the Life I never knew I wanted)!

To be an autism mom means spending several hours making a home-made advent calendar so your leaky gut, autoimmune, GAPS kid feel included and having him wake up in the middle of the night to completely obliterate it…

Now I know it wasn’t much to look at to begin with.. I have honestly never been super artistically inclined or artsy crafty.. At least not compared to the numerous experts you see on pinterest.  Growing up I was certain I’d be a “working” mom.  I thought I’d be a teacher, writer or a radio talk show host… Wait.. come to think of it, I am all those things.. I just don’t get paid for it.. Well.. at least not in monetary value.

After being thrust into stay-at-home mom-hood by a highly demanding vaccine damaged child, I discovered something miraculous.. I love it!  Now, I’ve had my moments.. I’ve had those times I thought I just couldn’t handle it, that it would be easier to have a job.. Thoughts that I was insignificant and that I wish I could do more to contribute to society. And of course those days where the kids are just driving me nuts and an outside job would be like a spa day.. But at some point in my middle aged life, I started growing up and growing up means identifying your priorities, your core-values, the things that truly matter.. What mattered to me? My family.  When I took the time to introspect and really think about it, I couldn’t think of anything that truly mattered to me other than my family. Maybe a few other things or people but mainly it was the fam.
Now, don’t get me wrong.. I would do just about anything to take back my son’s vaccine injury. I can’t in fact think of anything I wouldn’t do.. but if it weren’t for him I may have not figured out the true meaning of life.. the true depth of a mother’s love.. hell.. I might have still been feeding my kids nabisco crackers, radioactive cheetos, trix yogurts…

use4new(Oh.. that looks healthy…)

And lord knows what else..

Now I’m a mom that cooks.. A LOT.. GAPS diet, grain free, organic, nutrient rich foods.. I’m the mom that makes a Weekly meal planner.. I’m the mom that reads the flylady daily and gets way too excited about it.  I’m the mom who homeschools.. I’m a mom who is very busy and over-extended and I’m a mom who loves her life.. I love my life and I can think of nothing more significant than taking care of the people I love most.
Okay back to the advent calendar….
Christmas-advent-calendar-idea-29
No, this one wasn’t the one I made.. The one I made wasn’t nearly this professional looking but you can find this project idea and others and several others at decoholic.
What I did was way more white-trash, ghetto… or whatever equal opportunity offensive term you want to use.. What I did was as follows…
Materials:
2 egg cartons
Decorations (I used paint, glitter, stickers and ornaments)
Numbers to mark calendar days (I found mine at the 99 cent store)
Candies or toys (Some ideas for GAPs legal candies Honey Acres, Dante’s Confections or make your own)
Wrapping paper
Poster board
Velcro, glue and tape
Instructions:
1. Take the two egg cartons and glue them together.  You can decorate them if you like, however you like.  I had Aydan help me with this part. We painted and sprinkled them with glitter.
2. Glue the cartons to the poster board.
3. Place the toys or candies in the egg cartons.  If you plan to hang it up or keep it upright, better use something to attach them so they won’t fall out.
4. Wrap the egg cartons with paper.
5. Make a small hole or slit so you can poke through the paper without the entire thing falling apart.
6. Place the numbers on top of cartons representing the 24 days of Christmas with tape or velcro (you have to sort of feel your way through this one).
7. Decorate the remaining part of the poster board (I used stickers, bells and Christmas ornaments.. just stuff I had around the house).
8.  Guard it with your life around your GAPS, autism kiddo or it WILL get obliterated!! I speak from experience.
So what did I say when I started this blog post?  Oh yeah…
‘To be an autism mom means spending several hours making a home-made advent calendar so your leaky gut, autoimmune, GAPS kid feel included and having him wake up in the middle of the night to completely obliterate it…’
True!! And love means doing it all over again… So here I go…
Happy Holidays!

 

California, Vaccines and the Zen Fascists!

So this happened… California’s vaccine bill: State Assembly passes SB277 outlawing personal belief and religious exemptions:http://www.mercurynews.com/…/californias-vaccine-bill-state…

As I’ve been saying since 2011, California will absolutely continue to pass these types of vaccine ‘laws’.. Why? 1) Because it will set the stage for the rest of the country and that’s ultimately the plan and 2) Because California has no money, no water and no resources; while big pharma has deep pockets to help us pretend like we do. 

The idea of California as the peace, love, natural health, hippie state has always been a farce… a Hollywood production, as described by the Dead Kennedy’s here in 1979, ironically Jerry Brown was governor then too..

“I am Governor Jerry Brown
My aura smiles
And never frowns…

Zen fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face

Close your eyes, can’t happen here
Big Bro’ on white horse is near
The hippies won’t come back you say
Mellow out or you will pay”

No one will be able to appeal to ‘law makers’ through emotion or ‘my vaccine damaged child’.. THEY DON’T CARE!! The only way to appeal to a psychopath and a malignant narcissist is through their own self interest. The only way to threaten their power over us, is to realize that their power doesn’t exist!!!

UPDATE 06/30/2015: Letter from Governor’s office…

11018640_10206330904887288_992402542081255419_n

 

So hey Californians.. We’re screwed!!!

“Born and raised by those who praise
Control of population everybody’s been there and
I don’t mean on vacation”

The Emotional Trauma of Vaccination!

I never thought about emotional trauma in relation to autism until the first time we went to a homeopath.  I remember her asking about how I ‘felt’ during pregnancy and how I ‘felt’ about my baby postpartum.  I explained the pre-natal and hospital birth trauma though she persisted that there must be something more.  Despite her attempt to assure me there would be ‘no judgment’, I remember feeling irritated as if she didn’t believe me when I said that I did in fact feel very bonded to my baby.  I felt bonded to him despite the fact that the doctor who delivered him was a monster, despite the fact my pre-natal experience had been unnecessarily physically and emotionally stressful, despite the fact that due to hospital atrocity and incompetence they gave my baby formula, before I was able to breastfeed him and continued to keep him from me for 6 hours… Looking at it with fresh eyes, I can see where she might have thought I would have trouble with the bonding process and I have no doubt given that birthing in America is almost always extremely traumatic, that many women do feel detached.. But I didn’t feel that way at all. I loved Aydan immediately.  I always found him delightful.  I remember him as a wee little baby before the vaccines robbed him of his potential… when he still felt good in his own skin, when he enjoyed being in and exploring the world.  I remember waking early in the morning and how we found it ironic that his initials were A.M. (Aydan Michael), since he seemed to be such an early riser.   I would pop in my Mommy and me yoga VHS tape and start my work-out, even if he was still asleep.. Predictably as I turned it on, he would climb out of the bed that we shared and crawl to the next room where I was beginning my stretches.. I can still see his bright smile with big dimples as he rounded the corner, as if to say ‘I’m ready to play…’  I was happy when he woke up.  In yoga, I used his body as a weight.. lifting him above my head and resting on my legs. We laughed a lot and had fun!

But lately, I’ve been thinking about the emotional trauma.

By now it is clear that vaccines are a toxic soup that reek havoc on every aspect of our bodies… This is where the DAN (Defeat Autism Now) and most of the natural health community has laid its focus.  How to remove the toxins? How to seal the leaky gut?  What therapies does the child need?  What vitamin deficiencies need addressing? And on and on… But what about the emotional trauma of vaccination?

When my 7 month old daughter meets a new person, even a loving Grandma, she is apprehensive.  When Grandma goes to pick her up, she anxiously looks at me on the verge of tears, as if to say ‘mom, is this okay?’ ‘Am I safe?’  I smile at her and assure Grandma’s a good one.  After a few loving attempts, she realizes she is safe and the anxiety subsides.. This got me thinking.. I wonder if when in the doctor’s office, did my son, Aydan, look to me as an infant wanting to know the same? Did he look for reassurance, as if to ask ‘Mom, am I safe?’  Did he do this, as I handed him over to this doctor or nurse, who unlike Grandma took him without love into their arms, forcing him down on a table of cold and synthetic material, then proceeded to inject him with a sharp metal object laced with poison?  Did he think ‘mom is this okay?’ ‘will I be okay?’ and did I look at him with terror and tears in my eyes, as I always feared the needle… I instinctively understood it was wrong for anything, anyone, under any circumstances to hurt my child.. As I ignored this instinct, could he read it on my face?  I know, I told him ‘it would be okay..’ I didn’t mean to lie but deep down, I knew it was wrong.

I also didn’t mean to omit this information when I talked to the homeopath because though our bond may still be strong, our trust had been broken.  Over the years since the vaccine assault… The rape that took place before my very eyes.. It has been a barrage of blood tests, urine/stool analysis, enemas, chelation treatments, supplements that didn’t work, MB12 injections… Countless offices with doctors, therapists, institutionalized schools, assessments, people who come and go… cause they aren’t family, they aren’t friends.. they are staff.

So at this time, I’d like to address Aydan, though he may not understand everything I’m about to say, he probably understands more than I know and perhaps someday he will understand it all…

“Dear Aydan,

My son I find this letter very difficult to write, as I am about to talk about things that are very uncomfortable for me to admit.

I don’t know if you remember being a baby like your sister but when you were little like her, I took you to a place where people hurt you.  They injected you with a sharp object that had stuff inside (poison) and that stuff made you sick.  It would change the rest of your life and that is why you have a hard time trying to speak.  That is why sometimes you feel confused.  That is why you get stomach aches and why your body hurts.  I want to make it very clear to you that this didn’t happen because you were bad or because you were different or defective.  I allowed this to be done to you because I was ignorant and didn’t trust myself as your mother.  I am sorry that I failed to protect you.

I don’t know if you remember the first day of school when you were 3 years old but I remember the first 2 weeks where I walked you to the gate and the teachers took your hand.  You looked at me with fear and cried.  I know you didn’t want to go and I don’t want you to think that I left you there because I didn’t want to be with you.  I left you there because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to help you on my own and I didn’t know where else to turn.  I’m sorry that I did that too.

I remember when you were 5 and someone gave you a shirt that said ‘I’m not autistic, I’m autastic!’  You hated that shirt and always wanted to take it off.  I recall the day, I put it on you, as you were crying and trying to keep it away.. I looked at you and told you I understood that you hated the shirt and didn’t want to wear it.  I said that I would throw it away and you would never have to wear it again. I threw it away in front of you and you seemed happy about it.  I want you to know that you were right to hate that shirt.  You were right to know that it wasn’t cute or funny.

And Aydan, when you are outside in the world, with all those groups of people or ‘society’ and those people look at you strange or tell you to calm down or be quiet; I hope that you know that this does not mean there is anything wrong with you.  The only reason we adults say things like that is because we are ashamed of the fact that we have allowed you and other children like you to be hurt.  

As I write this you are 10 years old and though you are a big boy now, I hope it is not too late to re-gain the bond of trust that has been broken between us.

I know that you know, I love you, since I tell you at least 5 times a day and I remember before that sharp needle of poison took your words away, you told me once too.

Sincerely,

Mom

 

 

 

Autism Moms are the new Salem Witches!

Hi there vaccination nation…  Boy.. big topic these days.. Valid argument on both sides, huh?  I mean, if you’re trying to destroy the health and lives of millions of people all over the world, then.. yeah, I suppose the pro-vaxxers have a valid argument, otherwise, they’re completely full of shit!

Oh, I’m sorry, please allow me to back up…  See, I’m an autism mom!  And by ‘autism mom’, I mean I am the mother of child who has been labeled autistic.. And what does it mean to be autistic?  It means that you have been physically, biologically and cognitively impaired through the injection of a needle.  This is not my opinion, this is not a gray area, this is not up for debate, or in need of more study.. This is a fact that is scientifically provable and verified by 1000s, if not millions of parents across the world.. I am one of them.  I am here to tell you that I watched my healthy son who spoke, played and gave eye contact freely, become a non-verbal, hyper-active, self-stimulatory, sick and sometimes aggressive child who following a round of ‘well baby shots’ could no longer remember how to go down a slide at a playground he’d been to dozens of times before.

If you tell me there is no ‘valid’ scientific evidence to prove this, you are wrong.. If you tell me this is my way of finding a reason for my suffering, you are wrong… If you say that there is a genetic predisposition that creates a vulnerability and then in some cases a vaccine can trigger ‘autistic like’ symptoms, I suggest you look up the terms ‘vaccines and mutagenics’.. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.  If you say autism is better than the measles, I suppose you take the time to go to a special day class of autistic students and follow them around for a while. Better yet, you should tape your mouth shut, bang yourself over the head so you can induce an excruciating migraine, eat junk food daily so you know what it’s like to have chronic bowel pain.. In fact be sure to eat all the foods you’re allergic to (and by the way, thank your vaccines for that too since allergies are a modern disease induced by vaccination) and walk around all day in an utter state of confusion while supposed ‘normal’ people talk to you like you’re stupid and constantly instruct you to ‘look them in the eye’. Have you ever seen the movie or the read the book ‘Johnny Got His Gun’?  Imagine that.. imagine being in a world where you have lost the ability to communicate and therefore are unable to tell anyone that your entire body is in chronic pain! Though your sensory system is all out of whack, you can hear, not only that but you understand everything, even though people talk to you like you don’t.. Or they don’t talk to you at all, instead they talk to each other about YOU, as if you’re not in the room.  Oh but there’s more.. this is just a partial list of the things my son goes through on a daily basis and I, as his mother probably only grasp a margin of it.  If I could trade places with him, I would.. It would suck but I would because I, like all mothers, love my child beyond any measure that words cannot possibly express.. To this day, I remain shocked by how profoundly deep this feeling is, it is like no other I have ever known.  And as most autism moms would, I would give my life back to God in a second to relieve his pain.. You wouldn’t have to ask me twice, I wouldn’t need a moment to think.. it’s thought, it’s done, I’m ready.. but it doesn’t work like that.  Now back to the whole autism mom thing…

As an autism mom, I have been told that my memories of my child’s regression after vaccination were not my own.. I’ve been made out to be crazy, hysterical, confused, stupid, un-educated, anti-science, one guy told me that ‘although my son’s story was sad, he hated me for telling it.. ‘ Hated me?  Total stranger, personally hated me… Almost funny when you think about it, except that it’s not funny.. like, at all.  It’s not funny that my son, like so many needlessly suffers and when we dare to tell others in an attempt to spare them the pain or merely to be understood, they claim to ‘hate us’.  They claim we are ‘beyond reason’ and that we suffer cognitive dissonance.  I know.. the irony is not lost on us. How many pro-vaxxers, doctors and so-called scientists spend the hours researching vaccines that we do?? The anti-vaxxers.. most of whom are autism parents.  Speaking of irony, check this out..   We.. the autism parents who allowed our children to be vaccinated are now the anti-vaxxers.  We learned the hard way and yet the propaganda is still blaming these Mickey Mouse measles shenanigans on us the anti-vaxxers, most of whom were vaccinated at some point… Well.. On second thought, maybe that part is true… I mean, those of us who were vaccinated might in fact be spreading the diseases we were vaccinated for.. Oh.. what’s that you say?  You seem confused pro-vaxxer.. Well, while you’re looking up ‘vaccines and mutagenics’ try also looking up ‘shedding’ and since we’re talking about measles, also try looking up ‘vaccine communicated measles’.. You’re welcome!

This latest measles outbreak as dubious as it’s origin may seem, just coincidentally started right after CDC whistleblower, Dr. William Thompson admitted that he and several of his colleagues including Dr. Julie Gerberding, who stated during a congressional hearing that there was no scientific evidence to prove that vaccines cause autism withheld evidence to the contrary.  In other words, THEY LIED!!! They knew that the MMR (Measles vaccine) created a 340 percent increase of causing autism in African American males; they knew the younger the child received the shot the more susceptible they were; they knew they were risking the lives of millions and THEY LIED!! But never mind that, cause that’s government and lying is just what they do..  Pharmaceutical companies?  Are you serious?  Yes, of course they do it too, while you’re looking up ‘mutagenics and vaccines’, ‘shedding’ and ‘vaccine communicated measles, also try looking up ‘Merck whistleblower’.. My pleasure!

But propaganda never has anything to do with science, facts or the truth and this latest ‘measles-gate’ is no different.  It is a well orchestrated effort to force those of us who dare to bring this evidence to the light into submission through laws, legislation, ex-communication and ridicule.  Even writing this essay puts me in a vulnerable position but I crossed that Rubicon long ago.  I entered this hostile environment when I innocently started sharing the story of my son’s vaccine injury.  I had no idea that the subsequent research I would do to understand it, would send me down a rabbit hole that nearly 7 years and 100s, possibly 1000s of hours in, seems to have no bottom.  The more I learn about the real science behind vaccination, the more I am under the impression that the autistic children are just the tip of the iceberg.  The more I begin to think that all of the mis-guided, mis-educated, utterly illogical arguments presented by the pro-vax community is in fact, the result of their own severe vaccine injuries.. I mean, how can it not be?  How does anyone get run over by a train and not get hurt?  ‘Oh but some people can tolerate vaccines only the immune comprised..’ blah, blah.. stop it.. just stop it right now… Stop it with these tired old arguments because vaccines don’t work at preventing disease, so why do we still have to have this conversation?  Why do WE the autism moms and sufferers of vaccine injury need to plead our case for anti-vax.  Even those who have never been vaccinated, why should they defend a NON-action?  The doctors, pseudo-scientists and big pharma funded talking head politicians are the ones attempting to sell their product and therefore, THEY are the ones with the burden of proof, which they have failed to provide since day one!  And yet, this hoax continues…

But once again, no matter.. I don’t really have to tell anyone anymore that we’re living in a science fiction world like the dystopic futures described in ‘A Brave New World’ and ‘1984’.. Oh, but that’s just conspiracy talk, that’s just how us anti-vaxxers are, right? If a fictional dystopic future is too far fetched than how about our past?  How about the McCarthy era of the 1950s that led many Hollywood moguls to being black balled for their alleged affiliations with Communist.. ‘You’ll never work in this town again..’ Wakefield anyone?

Or better yet, how about the Salem Trials of 1692?  During a homeschool lesson, that’s right.. homeschool.. (“oh God.. she homeschools too?”  Yup).. Anyway, during a history lesson we found this blog, “History of Massachusetts”,  please allow me to share a little excerpt…

Witch Trial“The Salem Witch Trials was a classic example of scapegoating. Fear combined with a “trigger,” a traumatic or stressful event, is what often leads to scapegoating. Fear of the Devil, and witches who did his bidding, was very real in Salem at the time…”

http://historyofmassachusetts.org/the-salem-witch-trials/

I could not help but to empathize with the accused witches.. See, I the autism mom and we the anti-vaxxers have become the scapegoat for vaccination failure.  And the fear of the devil.. I mean, the disease has swept over the populace like a viral infection, only this infection is far more deadly than the disease itself.

So now, I, mother, autism mom, anti-vaxxer, truther, conspiracy theorists and witch have been accused of carrying out the bidding of the devil.  But as we’ve continually come to learn, this hoax is laden with irony.  The people of Salem would later come to understand the 19 hanged, many prisoned and several accused witches were innocent of witchcraft.  They felt remorse and would later have to retract their previous findings. So if we use this example, allow me to ask who really is carrying out the deeds of the devil.. The accused or the accusers?