When the Window of Opportunity Closes!

This September will mark the 9 year anniversary that my son Aydan was diagnosed with autism. This is not a day we celebrate.  I remember everything about it, sitting in the waiting room at the Regional Center office building in downtown Los Angeles.  A typical sterile office waiting room with a few toys and books strung around.. this type of environment would be a frequent scene for the next 9 years.  When our name was called we walked in a large room with several toys, balls, puzzles, etc. and two women in business clothes.  They were friendly, smiled and played with Aydan, attempting to interact with him.  I was still in the phase of over-stating his abilities, as if somehow I could talk the ‘experts’ out of their inevitable diagnosis.  They would ask questions, like ‘how many words does he have?’  Nearly 9 years later, I am asked the same question.. to which I continue not to fully know the answer.

When I heard the diagnosis, I was not surprised; I had already diagnosed him myself.  I wanted the experts to stamp their seal of approval, so that all the powers that be would move us into action and bing bang boom.. we’d get this puzzle solved.  I quickly learned, the system doesn’t work like that.  When asking for help in ‘the system’ you must scream and claw and cite scientific journals and hire lawyers and argue evidence based vs. emerging evidence based vs. alternative and so on and on…  This was certainly not the loving and accepting upbringing I had imagined for my child.

432173_2986711539952_1378342205_nAydan was 2 1/2 then and in the years to follow I would indeed make numerous mistakes in my pursuit for help.  I remember the feeling of urgency, the constant reminders that this ‘window of opportunity’ would close at around 6 years old and the child would be too far out of reach to return.  The clock was ticking and I moved fast.. Too fast as I should have seen then what I see so clearly now… A 2 1/2 year old child with autism, is a 2 1/2 year old child.  We didn’t need the system, we didn’t need to move fast, we only needed each other.

9 years later we can do nothing about the mistakes from the past.. The futile fights with the system, the sterile rooms we sat in, the premature entry into school at age 3, the countless therapies that would follow, none of which were truly capable of addressing his needs.  I understand the desire to stay positive and optimistic about the future.  Certainly it isn’t prudent to continually beat yourself up about the past but personally, I have never appreciated the cliché sayings that make their way on many a Facebook meme, such as ‘There are no mistakes, only lesson..’ or ‘There are no mistakes, only opportunities’.. and possibly my least favorite, ‘There are no mistakes, only happy accidents…’  Interesting how I don’t remember being ‘happy’ during any of these events and I sure could have managed with fewer ‘opportunities’, especially at the expense of my innocent son.

Please, don’t get me wrong, I’m no pessimist.. I’m an optimist to the bitter end.  Some might even say to a fault but the way I look at it, is that if a mother can lift a Chevy to save her child trapped underneath the vehicle, there is no “window” strong enough to withstand the rock I’m willing to throw.

Today almost 9 years has past and on paper we see all the milestones that have been missed, all the ‘opportunities’ that have passed, all the childhood experiences he’ll never have, which leaves me asking, what now?  So, now I look back at that original day.  I think of the sterile waiting room and I ask myself, if I had to do over would I have just taken those papers in hand and simply walked away from it all? Those papers that would brand my son with a label for life, enabling him access to all the ‘services’ within the system that never served his needs at all.  Maybe I wouldn’t have even went into the sterile room.. Maybe I wouldn’t have even parked the car.. Maybe I wouldn’t have even made the initial phone call to get the appointment.. I mean what did those papers tell me about my son?  What insights did they offer??  They state what he could and could not do.. what skills were age appropriate and which were delayed (most were delayed).. they would state if the delay was mild, moderate, severe or profound.. they would suggest which treatments were required, behavioral therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy.. But did they encapsulate my son?  Did they offer the truth?  Could they measure his worth?  Did they know his value?  How much is your child worth?  How many hours.. how much money.. how much time would you give for them… Could these papers provide answers to these questions?

46c4aeb1ea69c5993737c84b587f80e5Perhaps rather than look for answers from the powers that be, I needed to just look for answers from the powers within… The powers within us both.

So again the question remains, what now?  Now I take the ‘lessons’ that I have learned and move forward.  The first lesson being, I can’t do this alone.. I can’t take my 1000s of hours of research and out-smart autism.. I can’t use my intellect to dig just a little deeper, work just a little harder, spend just a few more hours and then expect the answers to be revealed..  What I do now is I stand naked and vulnerable and ask for divinity.. I was not raised with religion nor did my upbringing include many conversations about the spirit world or God but I know now there is only so much that is in control of man.

I ask for prayers and support among the readers who find this.. I ask for compassion from onlookers at the grocery store who watch my 11-year-old child thrust himself upon the ground when this world becomes more than he can take.  It has become more than I can take too… I don’t give up.. No.. Never… But I surrender to the universe, I surrender to God and look for guidance.   I ask you now, God if there is a window of opportunity and that window has closed on my son that you place the rock in my hand strong enough to shatter it to pieces… Please help me find the way and I will not let you down.

Broken Window of Opportunity1
Broken Window of Opportunity!

 

P.S. Thank you for your time and attention.  Please support our campaign to raise funds for Aydan’s Son-Rise Program.

https://www.youcaring.com/aydan-boden-588027

 

 

 

 

 

 

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10 days (ish) of GAPS / SCD pies!

Let them eat pie…P14107481

Being on a restrictive diet; albeit a healing one can be daunting, especially if you’ve never been much of a cook.  As I mentioned in a previous post, I was not a natural Suzy home-maker.  I was not raised being taught how to cook, sew and garden like the generations before mine.  I found these acts of empowered survival to be tedious chores.  It was not until my 2nd child, Aydan regressed into autism and severe gut dysbosis after vaccination that I began to re-think my position.

When we started our journey into gluten and dairy free back in 2007, it wasn’t the high profile diet it is today.  There weren’t GF versions of everything from panko crumbs to oreo cookies.  It was just beginning to boom in popularity and I was willing to partake in whatever short-cut was available to me, until I realized this didn’t work.  Unless you’re a severe celiac, gluten is just a minor part of the problem.  As described in this article by SCD lifestyle, the 12 billion dollar gluten free fad has expanded from “health” food stores to everything from Wal-mart, Domino’s and gluten free Dunkin’ Donuts.  How can any of that be healthy?  It isn’t and it never was.  To think that the mainstream medical and agricultural industries are the only ones to want to make a buck off of sickness is pretty naive.  I was this naive at one time and loved the idea of a quick an easy gluten free waffle from Trader Joe’s but healing does not take place this way.

Leaky gut and dysbosis is epidemic and at the root of many autoimmune and neurological issues, as Natasha McBride explains in her book, the Gut and Psychological Syndrome.   Even Dr. McBride describes the non-cooks and how if you are one of these, it’s best to start with the full diet before doing the stages as it will help ween you into the habit of cooking everything from scratch.. the way people did before ‘food’ came in boxes and bags.  This is exactly what I did.

Before I knew anything about GAPS or Paleo, I read a little book called, Breaking the Viscous Cycle by Elaine Gottschal on the Specific Carbohydrate Diet which would become the basis for GAPS.  Elaine was not a scientist nor a doctor, she was a mom.. which made me trust her even more.  She was not selling anything, she was just trying to make sense of a diet that had been introduced to her by a doctor many years prior in order to prevent major surgery and heal her daughter from Ulcer Colitis.  Her daughter healed and I wanted in.. I wanted my son to heal too.  The science made sense to me.. monosaccharides or simple carbohydrates won’t aggravate the gut as complex (di/poly-saccharides) would.  I used to think of it as trying to walk on a broken leg, the leg could never heal that way and thus same is true for the gut; it could never heal were it constantly working to break down complex foods… Aha!

From there I was off… With a single cookbook and several printed recipes I went from never having made a pie-crust in my life to creating an entire SCD Thanksgiving dinner including pie.. Pumpkin and pecan (in case you were wondering).

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My family was supportive though maybe not as enthusiastic about the outcome and for years would always ask me if they could just cheat a little.. just one frozen pie, just one batch of stuffed mushrooms with Philly cream cheese..

 

 

Over the years under the consultation of nutritionist and doctors, I would change the diet several times, experimenting with Body Ecology, Low Oxalate, etc etc… but NEVER going back to the old pre-made way.. Once you know there’s no way to unknow..  This sounds easier than it is.. Several years ago, I wrote an article Autism, Cooking and Most of All, Love where I go into greater detail about the aches and pains of cooking on autism.  It hurts.. it does.. the social stigma, the friends, family, therapist and teachers.. even when well meaning can question, derail and just drive you nuts.  Eh hem….

mom-knows

So, here we are in 2016, back on SCD /GAPS having gone through the stages last Summer, we are in full swing.  For this month of February, I needed a birthday cake.. two actually.  My oldest son and my biggest food critic was turning 13 and when I asked him what he wanted a couple weeks before the big event, he let me know in no uncertain terms ‘not an Aydan friendly cake and not a cake at all.. but rather a pie.’  At first not caring what type of pie but later driving inspiration from the hit indie game, Undertale, he requested a Butterscotch cinnamon pie… Now I had gotten better over the years; not only was my cooking good, it was damn good and I could bake the grain free with the best of them.. Though maybe not as pretty as the average food blogger, it was served up fresh daily with lots of love and hard work.  Very little have I accomplished in my life that I am more proud of then learning to cook wholesome foods for my family.  But pie???? Oh my… And something I had never even thought of butterscotch… Well..  Approximately 10 days before the venture, my husband suggests I go on an experiment, ‘try making a pie everyday up until his birthday.. a count down..’  I took the challenge and have compiled a list of the recipes I tried.. And as for Aydan he loves it when he finds me in the kitchen often combining two of his favorite ASL signs, ‘make’ and ‘eat’ to let me know I’m on the right track.  He’ll even volunteer assistance which I LOVE!!

Okay… So enough with the build up.. here we go…

WIN_20160124_12_01_33_ProDay 1: Crust less Pumpkin Pie.  I did this one because it was what I had in the house to work with.. I took Aydan and the baby to the library only to return home and find the entire pie gone.  The soon to be 13 year old got hungry and it was that good.  I made another for dessert and served it with Coconut Vanilla (dairy free) ice-cream.

Day 2: Real Food Banana Cream Pie.  Again just what I had around the house and I did not use the vanilla stevia.  Instead I used honey to taste, you don’t need a lot as bananas and coconut are naturally sweet.

Day 3: Coconut Cream Pie.  Also AIP friendly.

Day 4: Blueberry Pie.  I got the 13 year old in on this one and made it a homeschool project.  We didn’t make the top crust and used a different crust recipe which was so good it would become my crust choice from here on out: Dan’s awesome pie crust.

Day 5: Apple pie crumble.  I started on a key-lime but it needed to gel overnight, so I went back to a tried and true dessert I make frequently.  Super easy and inspired by a recipe from my first SCD cookbook, Cooking to Heal Little Tummies.

Ingredients:

-5/6 Apples peeled and cored

-1-2 Tablespoons of Cinnamon

-1 Stick of butter

-2 1/2 cups of almond flour or meal

Instructions: Pre-heat oven 325 degrees.  Cook apples over medium heat in a skillet with coconut oil or butter.  Don’t over-soften as they’ll end up in the oven.  Add cinnamon, I will sometimes also add nutmeg, ginger or cardamom.  Remove from heat and place into a pie pan.  Blend Almond flour and butter.  Add crust paste to top covering completely.  Heat about 15-20 minutes.

P.S. This recipe can just as well make a pear crumble or a berry crumble just don’t skillet fry before-hand.

Day 5: Key Lime Pie with Dan’s Awesome Scd crust.  My oldest son and biggest critic loved this one the most.  Big hit!

Day 6: Lemon Pie.  This tasted a bit like yoplait yogurt and wasn’t as popular as the others so far but was still pretty good.

Day 7: Dairy Free Pear Custard.  Okay this is not a pie but can be used in a pie as any custard or pudding can.

Day 8: Lemon Meringue Pie, This was a huge hit with my husband.  Though my son, Aydan LOVES pecans, he is mildly allergic and tolerates almond a bit better, so I stuck with Dan’s Awesome Crust recipe and didn’t use the one described by the Nerdy Farm Wife.  WIN_20160131_15_07_31_Pro

My husband loved this one so much that he asked me to make this again for his birthday, also the first week of February.  I made two just in case.

Day 9: Chocolate Cake with Almond butter frosting.  Chocolate is not allowed on SCD but on GAPS, Natasha McBride says it’s an okay once in a while but only on the full diet and after sincere healing.  Again, not a pie but I got busy and took a break to return to a tried and true recipe.  This was really well received the first time I made but less so the second.  I never used the almond slivers and I’m not sure what I did differently that made it better the first time.  I think I added more butter and less almond butter in the frosting as the biggest complaint was the almond butter was overwhelming.

For my husband’s birthday I made this chocolate cake with buttercream frosting instead.. Yes, I made 2 lemon merinuges and a chocolate cake!! You don’t have to tell me it’s time for detox but it was a party and a great way to end the holidays.

Day 10: Birthday!! Butterscotch Cinnamon pie! Old habits die hard and for the big day my son did not want to sway his position on a non-Aydan friendly pie.  He insisted upon his Undertale inspired Butterscotch cinnamon after seeing this reconstruction from Feasts of Fiction. maxresdefault

So in order to include everyone, I made two pies. Here’s the SCD / GAPS version.

I used my old favorite Dan’s pie crust (which has cinnamon in it) and this recipe for Butterscotch pudding as the filling, then topped it with coconut whipped cream.

Now I know that this is not a regular practice in the process of gut healing as explicitly described here as a common mistake in GAPS by the Healthy Home Economist. You can’t go hog-wild with baking and especially nut flours.

And I also know that for those who have been following my writing for a while this sort of thing strikes as a bit soft ball.. after all, I’ve been the hard hitting, anti-establishment autism mom witch … I assure all of you, I still got it in me.. I have not nor will I ever forgive the pharma shilling powers that poison our children but for now, I can think of nothing more empowering and healing than being a stay-at-home.. A mom who is truly present, truly listening, truly healing, truly loving (or mostly and always trying)… Oh… And not to mention gardening, fermenting, baking, doing laundry, doing dishes, nursing, cleaning poopy diapers, scrubbing toilets and all around kicking ass..  (I know.. it’s hard, I am NOT a super mom… And it’s harder than that.. I’m an autism mom and believe me I’m exhausted)..

But for now, I choose to take lemons and make lemon pie… 6e51b9fda59927b7ae4ebabb1cb39340

Happy eating and healing!!
(References in the body of the essay).

 

GAPS EggNog IceCream! (And tips for adults and egg allergies too).

Hey y’all… It’s the holidays and here in Southern California (unless you live in the mountains), it’s ice-cream season year round.  And what says the holidays more than egg-nog?

Personally it’s always been a bit too sweet and thick for my taste, like someone took pancake batter and put it in a glass… However, I’m cooking for the whole fam and everyone wants to be apart of the scene.  So… I went in search of a dairy free egg-nog recipe that was GAPS legal and although there are several legal egg-nog recipes, (like this one from GAPS journey), I couldn’t find any straight up, easy capreezy, lemon squeezy GAPS ice-creams but this one from Plated with Style is pretty darn close.

In fact the only modification you would need to insure it GAPS/SCD friendly is changing the Coconut Sugar to honey.  Though coconuts, coconut flour, cream and oil are all GAPS/SCD legal, I couldn’t find any information to confirm or deny whether or not Coconut Sugar is allowed.  So it maybe all the way legit for all I know.  Personally, I used coconut and palm sugars a few times prior to going GAPS and didn’t really care for them.  They’re very dry and not as sweet.  In this article by Gluten Free Real Food they go into greater detail about the pros and cons of coconut sugar, apparently it has a lower glycemic index than most other sweeteners but as I mentioned it’s also not as sweet which means you’ll probably end up using more, so honey was the only replacement I had to make.  I also added more coconut milk in lieu of almond milk.  On GAPS/SCD, the only almond milk that is allowed are homemade but since my kiddo is a bit oxalate sensitive I try to keep almonds to a minimum.

And as I promised in the title there’s tips for adults too, if you are a GAPS adult or doing the diet along side your child then you may find it interesting that ‘yes’, bourbon is SCD / GAPS legal and can be a tasty additive for an adult version of this recipe.

Alcohol of course isn’t the best way to heal your gut dysbosis but since it is the holidays you can check out the SCD legal list put together beautifully by the good people at the SCD lifestyle blog.. I was a bit disappointed to find that Cognac and Brandy are on the illegal list which means I’ll need to modify my mulled wine recipe but that’s for another blog..

Oh and last but probably most important issue to bring up is what to do if you have an egg allergy. I was surprised to find out from our nutritionist that most egg allergies are to chicken eggs only and not necessarily to other types of eggs. My son has a slight allergy to egg whites and since this recipe calls for yolks it shouldn’t be a problem; however, I find rotating foods to be essential at keeping allergies at bay.  If you’re GAPS/SCD or Paleo I’m sure you’ve noticed that there are a lot of recipes that call for eggs.  In some situations you can use a flax, chia or gelatin egg but they won’t work for everything.  In that case there are non-chicken eggs that are just as tasty and even more nutritious.  It costs quite a bit more but is worth it once in a while to switch up and use quail or duck eggs.  You can find these pretty cheap at your local market or online at Local Harvest.  It takes about 1 duck egg to equal 2 chicken eggs and 5 quail eggs for one chicken egg.

Now enough of the talkie talk.. Time to celebrate and eat…

Be well and Happy Holidays!!

GAPS Egg Nog Ice Cream
Prep time
4 hours
Cook time
5 mins
Total time
4 hours 5 mins
Ingredients
  • 1½ cups of Full Fat Coconut Milk or Heavy Coconut cream
  • 1 cup of Coconut Milk
  • 1/4 cup of (or to taste) Honey
  • ½ teaspoon of Ground Nutmeg
  • ¼ teaspoon of Cinnamon
  • 4 Egg Yolks (Organic pasture raised)
  • 3 Tablespoons of Bourbon (optional)
Instructions
  1. Heat the coconut milk/cream, almond milk, coconut sugar, and spices on low heat until the edges are bubbly. Do not boil.
  2. Slowly add about ¼ cup of the warm cream into the egg yolks while mixing.
  3. Slowly, very slowly, pour the egg mixture into the rest of the warm cream while mixing.
  4. Increase the heat to about medium low and continue mixing until the temperature reaches 160F. About 2-3 minutes.
  5. Mix in the bourbon and adjust spices.
For an Ice Cream Machine Method
  1. Chill the mixture in the refrigerator until it reaches 40F. About 4 hours.
  2. Process the chilled ice cream according to your machine’s directions 🙂
For the Old School Non Machine Method
  1. Place the mixture in freezer friendly pan, preferably a steel pan.
  2. Chill the mixture for about an hour in the fridge.
  3. Mix and transfer to the freezer.
  4. Freeze and mix every 30 minutes until you can’t stand it anymore.
  5. Face dive into the rich creamy goodness.

Food, Love and Autism.. Again

A while back I wrote an essay tiled Food, Love and Autism.  It was re-titled and published by the late great Heidi Stevenson, former editor of Gaia-Health.  At the time I was still struggling and crying over the food issue with autism.  Our kiddos are the guttiest kids with leaky guts the size of the Grand Canyon.  Even main-stream ‘science’ has caught up to what us autism parents’ have known since the beginning.  The gut effects the brain.. like A LOT.

Today, I am the mother of a 10 year old with severe vaccine injury; I’m a veteran autism mom with 8 years nutritional therapy research experience.. who still cries and struggles over diet but hey.. it’s worth it and bringing out my inner June Cleaver is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.  I have been blessed to be a stay at home mother of 3 beautiful kids and the wife of a husband who works hard to make it all happen.

And lately I’ve been taking a break from kicking ass, to kick ass even harder at home.. This is an attempt to kick ass at making GAPS friendly caramel apples.. It wasn’t a huge success but you can taste the love…

Okay.. they’re a hot sticky mess… WIN_20151028_133451

If you care to venture, I found this recipe at the Liberated Kitchen.. Good luck and Happy healing in love to all our vaccine injured children.. You deserve a sticky, yummy apple with goo all over it.. You’re welcome kids!! Parents.. I warned you. 😉

Vaccine Mandates and Divorcing Our Psychopathic Lover.. The State!

“I am no longer ‘trying to dig up evidence to prove’ vaccines cause autism. There is already abundant evidence….This debate is not scientific but is political”
― David Ayoub M.D.

As we stand in this country there are several States passing or attempting to pass mandatory vaccine laws that would force children who enter public, private or even homeschool, in some cases to be vaccinated without philosophical or religious exemption. Some others bills have included health-care workers and even an ‘adult vaccination’ plan. Clearly looking at the title of this essay you can safely conclude, I’m not a fan.. Please allow me to back up a little…

In 2011 I was part of a large group who were working against a bill in California that would allow minors as young as 12 to consent to STD vaccines without parental knowledge. Despite the overwhelming outcry against it, the bill passed and before it was even put into effect young girls AND boys as young as 11 we’re reportedly being vaccinated with the HPV vaccine without a parent or guardian present. This vaccine is supposed to prevent HPV (warts) which is claimed by medical professionals to cause cervical cancer, though the medical data speaks others.. And let’s face it.. warts are no big deal, so this vaccine isn’t marketed as a HPV preventer, it’s marketed as a prevention for cervical cancer.. Uhmm.. Wait a minute… Boys?? Being vaccinated against CERVICAL cancer??? Uhm.. I’m not a doctor or anything but where exactly is the male cervix again? Nevermind..

Anyway… the bill passed and some nurses at public schools around California started plugging kids with poison even outside their OWN restrictions.. So what does that tell us?? I can tell you what it made quite clear to me, as George Carlin once put it.. ‘…THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.. AT ALL!!!‘ So why do we care about them? Why do we continue to go back to this narcissistic, self-important, possibly even psychopathic, abusive lover (government) who will sell us at every turn to the highest bidder without remorse and like a co-dependant, enabler we make excuses for them or expect them to change.. We think if we just speak up louder, or say it a few more times, or get more people to support us, or maybe they just don’t understand us, or maybe we’re not doing our job to make it clear… Oh no.. it’s clear, they just don’t care.

But it’s not like we’ve ever had informed consent to begin with. Who would ever give consent to vaccination if they were truly informed? If someone told you, in this there are several neurotoxins, carcinogens and foreign agents that will undoubtedly cause genetic mutations along with some neurological problems, most likely autoimmunity and you may die on the spot.. If you’re lucky and it doesn’t kill you on the spot, it will certainly shorten your life.. Oh and by the way, there’s no guarantee it will protect you from disease, in fact it may actually cause you to contract the disease that it claims to protect against.. Oh and one more thing, if you don’t contract the disease you could still be a carrier of it and give it to unsuspecting loved ones… So you want it?  Let’s face it.. It’s never been about receiving ‘information.. And ‘consent’? Yeah right… like when you ‘consent’ to letting in the vampire who can only come inside after he’s been ‘consented’ to do so.. No… there’s no consensual vaccine. It is a non-consensual act.. a violation.. a rape.. We have merely been hypnotized by a psychopathic vampire, so he can suck our blood for his own selfish purposes.

And the problem isn’t that the science doesn’t prove vaccines cause neurological disorders, autism, cancer, death.. you name it.. It’s that the science proves that it DOES. Besides, we KNOW what happened, we witnessed it, we saw it. We saw the decline in our quality of life, following the creation of each new injection, it’s not imaginary, it’s not an exaggeration, it is what is…  So let’s stop fooling around and call this abuse of power by forcing vaccination on un-consenting individuals, what it really is.. A violent act of aggressive genocide.

As I mentioned before, I live in California.  Most of the country views the policies made in this state as rather important, since many states across the union tend to follow. If that’s true, then that’s bad news, as this state has made their lover affair with big pharma known since at least 2011.  Early in the same year as the ‘Gardasil bill‘ was introduced, we saw Door to Door vaccinations from a school in the district of Natomas, where a guy by the name of Senator Dr. Richard Pan holds office.  Dear deeply disturbed Senator Pan made his loving feelings towards force vaccination more public when he co-author SB2109 that would virtually remove philosophical exemption by requiring parents take their children to a doctor who would explain ‘pros’ and cons of vaccination, as if there’s any such thing as a ‘pro’.. So now in 2015 on the coat-tails of late 2014’s ‘Measles-gate’, Senator Pan has once again co-authored a forced vaccination bill SB277 which has managed to make its way past the judiciary committee and is set to be heard by Senate and Assembly committees next.  If it goes through it will remove all philosophical and religious exemptions to vaccines, leaving only medical but wait.. He made an amendment about a week ago…

“Sen. Richard Pan, D-Sacramento, and Sen. Ben Allen, D-Santa Monica, tweaked the bill to allow families who choose not to immunize their children to participate in a multiple-family private homeschool option instead of just a single family home.

They also changed the bill to allow families who choose not to immunize their children to use the public school independent study option that exists in current law and is administered by local education agencies.”

What’s that?  Are  you breaking up with us? Or perhaps not a full blown break up but maybe you’re ‘just not that into us’.  So those of us who homeschool apparently just aren’t needy enough for this narcissist… ‘it’s my way or the highway, take it ALL or get the hell out’.. That’s interesting.. I’ve never seen an ‘exemption’ quite like this before.  California has always regarded homeschooling as a form of private school and thereby requires all the same laws as held to a private school including vaccination records.

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The thing I’d like to stress, is that by pointing out this unusual amendment, I, in no way accept this as law.. Quite frankly as the mother of a vaccine damaged child, I find it’s very suggestion repugnant and a slap in the face to my precious son… how dare they.. how dare they even suggest such thing, amendment or not… I DO NOT CONSENT TO THIS.. I DO NOT CONSENT TO MANDATORY VACCINATION!! I DO NOT CONSENT TO VACCINATION.. period!!!

So what would this look like?  What would we need to do in order to sit down with our abusive lover (the State) and say, ‘it’s not you, it’s me.. you haven’t changed.. I’ve changed.. you are what and who you are but your controlling nature, just isn’t working for me anymore.. I need a break.. FOREVER….’ and then walk away?

little-red-schoolhouse

Well.. that maybe a loaded question, so let’s start with the homeschool thing.  We don’t have to do it  and we shouldn’t do it alone. There’s no glory in being a martyr, so why even try.  We can’t all just drop everything, single parents and family’s dependant upon two incomes alike.  We need to be apart of a community again, take responsibility for raising our children.. not just our children but ALL our children.  Homeschoolers have for years organized co-ops, classrooms with combined ages and worked at reinventing the Little Red School House.  Why not? It’s not like public institutionalized schools have been around forever, it used to happen this way and it’s not as crazy as it seems.

And homeschooling isn’t just an excuse to avoid vaccines, did we forget about Common Core?  That’s still a thing, remember?

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Not only that but the benefits, the empathy building that is created by incorporating multi-age classrooms, special needs children and typical children alike, bringing our children together..why not?  What’s stopping us?

I’m not saying that I haven’t spent countless hours researching, fighting, finagling with ‘special education law’ and ‘IEP / Individual Education Plans’.  I’ve spent entire weekends listening to lawyers lecture on the rights of FAPE, we’ve spent 10,000s of dollars advocating for services.. and on and on.. I go to the meetings, I write the letters, I fight, I cry, I scream at the top of my lungs and pull out my hair.. Maybe I’m foolish, maybe I just don’t get it but maybe I’m just looking for a better way..  Or maybe I’m tired.. I’m just tired of the hamster wheel.. We could fight, we could push back, we might even have a small victory but there will be another bill, another law, another nationwide curriculm standard that will dumb us down.. even MORE!.. So, where does it end?

And is there a part of me that thinks of all the time, money and energy spent in all the above mentioned and ask myself ‘was it all for not?’ The answer is a resounding ‘yes’.  It probably all was for not…

Just think of that moment that we finally wake up and realize we’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about us and no matter how much we want them too.. they just don’t.. it might be hard to walk away but there’s also a sense of relief when it’s done, isn’t there?