VAXXED through the eyes of an Autism Mom!

There’s a ton of reviews out there about the film Vaxxed: From Cover-Up to Catastrophe but I haven’t written mine yet, so here we go…

This last April just in time for Autism Awareness Month.. which I hate by the way, as I see it as nothing more than an in your face ritual child sacrifice to the cult of Baal or the God Moloch or some other such demonic being… Or at the least a marketing strategy that morbidly celebrates chemically induced brain damage… But anyway.. I hate autism awareness month and it’s not just that I hate it but for the past several years April is a month that brings out the worst in my severely autistic son, Aydan’s symptoms.. Could it be histamine? Or seasonal changes or what?? We’ve tested couldn’t find anything but yet it still happens.. Sound familiar autism moms?

Anyway.. though my name is April, I hate the month of April.. When T.S. Eliott wrote ‘April is the cruelest month..’ he wasn’t lying.. So, I ignored the Vaxxed news.  I didn’t have time to dwell on a film about what had happened to my vaccine injured child,  as I was too busy dealing with my vaccine injured child.  I wasn’t on any social media and didn’t have any interest, I just wanted my child to get better.. I just wanted to be his mommy and nothing else.

In the month of May I received an email notifying me that to my surprise a screening was about 5 minutes from my house with a filmmakers’ Q & A directly following the show. I live in a small town about an hour north of Los Angeles where the screening had appeared previously on my son’s birthday (ironically in April), so I didn’t go to that one nor do I go to much anything that is an hour away.. But here it was just 5 minutes..  I could get away for a couple of hours and go see it; and I did.

I knew what the film was about. I knew just about all the information presented. I knew that the CDC lied about the MMR vaccine / autism connection. I knew that Andrew Wakefield was precisely correct and that everything he described happening to his patients all of whom had gut disease and were subsequently diagnosed with autism following MMR vaccination, happened to my son in the exact same way.  I heard the mother’s in the film talk about their child’s regression into autism following MMR and it was exactly what had happened to mine.  I heard these stories 1000s of times from 1000s of parents..

So, I sat in the theater and expected to be under-whelmed by the information since after all I knew everything, right?  What I didn’t know was how seeing our story play out before my eyes would affect me emotionally.  Within the first 5 minutes I began to bite my lip in an effort to try to prevent the tears from streaming down my face… I couldn’t stop them.. I tried to clear my eyes, so I could see the screen but I had to look away several times just to compose myself.. I cried because I thought of all the things I had been too busy to deal with in the previous month.. I cried because I thought of all the years of struggle and wasted time… I cried because I thought of my son and his gut pain and how he dealt with it by hurting himself and others at times.. I cried because I felt loss… I cried because I was angry that as mothers we told this story 1000s of times and that it took exposing a bunch of lying officials for anyone to care.. Or even half care… I cried because I couldn’t help myself, it was just too much…

At the end of the film when producer, Del Bigtree asked the families’ of the vaccine injured to stand, I stood.. I didn’t want to as my knees were knocking and I knew once again it would be hard to compose myself..

Many people at the end stuck around to socialize and talk to the filmmakers but I was eager to get home to my family and I knew my time was limited.  When I arrived at home I could see a group of not to happy people. Chaos had ensued and yet another melt down had occurred followed by a number two, bathroom accident because well.. My son received the MMR vaccine and developed gut disease and was subsequently diagnosed with autism..  I mean.. Do I really need to keep saying this?  This scene has been common place since about mid-February and the thing that prompted me to write this essay is that it happened two more times just today.. And ‘yes’ he is toilet trained and ‘yes’ we have seen the doctor and run the tests and the tests have rendered us no answers.. Sound familiar autism moms?

So back to my review of Vaxxed.. I’m glad this information has finally come out of the shadow and into the light.  I’m grateful that there’s been a whistle-blower who had a crisis of conscience that will hopefully spare many children from the same fate as my son.  This film has awakened many including members of my own family to the truth, which is undeniably a positive move in the right direction.. But I still have to clean up poop from the porch and bring out my carpet cleaner a couple of times a week.. My son still has to suffer with severe gut pain and little to no ability to express his feelings… And I as his mother suffer right along with him. I wrote an essay about 6 years ago where I stated I would give my life to God if I could take away one.. just ONE vaccine that had been given to my son, because I know that seemingly small thing would make his life better today.  So Vaxxed?  Yes, it’s good film, an important film that everyone should see but it is a story about real people, a story about real suffering and a story that should have never needed to be told.. And unfortunately, it’s a story that can’t take away the damage that has been done.

Killing Mothers in America – Vaccination

Killing Mothers In America – Vaccination

From Liam Scheff:

“The eugenics movement has a history of killing and wounding many in the large populations to which the ‘science’ is applied. The vaccine movement, as part of the eugenic movement, is now killing families across the world and the United States. In this video, I’ll explain or demonstrate the process by which we’re very busy killing mothers in America by slowly killing their children — and I’ll offer a prescription for what we actually need to do about it.”

Please…

‘To love someone with all your heart requires reaching them where they are with the only words they can understand’– Shannon L. Alder

Aydan is a beautiful 11 year old boy, who was diagnosed with autism at age 2. He is a charming, intelligent, fun, affectionate, warm and tender child.

Unfortunately due to his condition, he suffers from high anxiety, stress, is non-verbal and struggles with everyday living. He has severe sensory dysfunction and many medical conditions including severe gastrointestinal disorder that further exasperates his issues.

Like any human being he longs to be connected with others, understood and accepted but with the communication skills of a 1 year old, he is growing more and more frustrated by his inability to do so.

For nearly 9 years we have tried just about every therapy under the sun both traditional and non. Aydan has been in behavioral (ABA) programs, Floortime (DIR), Relationship Development Intervention (RDI), Hanen Language Program, Special Autism Day Class, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy, Listening Therapy, Equestrian Therapy, Vision Therapy, Fitness training, Gymnastics and on and on. He has also participated in biomedical interventions that include DAN protocol, homeopathy, special diets, chiropractics, accupressure and more.

As his mother I have completed 1000s of hours of research and training to better understand his condition and support him. I love this child as much as any person can possibly love another… I will never give up on him.

I believe the window of opportunity never closes and am reaching out to an organization that believes the same. The Son-Rise Program was established in 1974 by parents who loved their son the way that we love Aydan. They were willing to reach him in anyway possible with radical acceptance and love. At this point in time with all Aydan has been through, he deserves nothing less.

Not only were the founders of the Son-Rise program, the Kaufman family, able to successfully reach their child; Their son, now an adult has gone on to teach others their unique method helping countless families reach their affected loved ones.

Our family is desperate to reach Aydan the way so many others have been able through Son-Rise.  We are seeking funds to attend their Start Up program, which include the following:
$2200 per person Tuition Costs (x2)
$750 Round trip airfare for 2

Any amount is welcome!

Our goal is to attend the upcoming program December 4-9, 2016.

Thank you for your time, attention, support and prayers!

God Bless!

https://www.youcaring.com/aydan-boden-588027

When the Window of Opportunity Closes!

This September will mark the 9 year anniversary that my son Aydan was diagnosed with autism. This is not a day we celebrate.  I remember everything about it, sitting in the waiting room at the Regional Center office building in downtown Los Angeles.  A typical sterile office waiting room with a few toys and books strung around.. this type of environment would be a frequent scene for the next 9 years.  When our name was called we walked in a large room with several toys, balls, puzzles, etc. and two women in business clothes.  They were friendly, smiled and played with Aydan, attempting to interact with him.  I was still in the phase of over-stating his abilities, as if somehow I could talk the ‘experts’ out of their inevitable diagnosis.  They would ask questions, like ‘how many words does he have?’  Nearly 9 years later, I am asked the same question.. to which I continue not to fully know the answer.

When I heard the diagnosis, I was not surprised; I had already diagnosed him myself.  I wanted the experts to stamp their seal of approval, so that all the powers that be would move us into action and bing bang boom.. we’d get this puzzle solved.  I quickly learned, the system doesn’t work like that.  When asking for help in ‘the system’ you must scream and claw and cite scientific journals and hire lawyers and argue evidence based vs. emerging evidence based vs. alternative and so on and on…  This was certainly not the loving and accepting upbringing I had imagined for my child.

432173_2986711539952_1378342205_nAydan was 2 1/2 then and in the years to follow I would indeed make numerous mistakes in my pursuit for help.  I remember the feeling of urgency, the constant reminders that this ‘window of opportunity’ would close at around 6 years old and the child would be too far out of reach to return.  The clock was ticking and I moved fast.. Too fast as I should have seen then what I see so clearly now… A 2 1/2 year old child with autism, is a 2 1/2 year old child.  We didn’t need the system, we didn’t need to move fast, we only needed each other.

9 years later we can do nothing about the mistakes from the past.. The futile fights with the system, the sterile rooms we sat in, the premature entry into school at age 3, the countless therapies that would follow, none of which were truly capable of addressing his needs.  I understand the desire to stay positive and optimistic about the future.  Certainly it isn’t prudent to continually beat yourself up about the past but personally, I have never appreciated the cliché sayings that make their way on many a Facebook meme, such as ‘There are no mistakes, only lesson..’ or ‘There are no mistakes, only opportunities’.. and possibly my least favorite, ‘There are no mistakes, only happy accidents…’  Interesting how I don’t remember being ‘happy’ during any of these events and I sure could have managed with fewer ‘opportunities’, especially at the expense of my innocent son.

Please, don’t get me wrong, I’m no pessimist.. I’m an optimist to the bitter end.  Some might even say to a fault but the way I look at it, is that if a mother can lift a Chevy to save her child trapped underneath the vehicle, there is no “window” strong enough to withstand the rock I’m willing to throw.

Today almost 9 years has past and on paper we see all the milestones that have been missed, all the ‘opportunities’ that have passed, all the childhood experiences he’ll never have, which leaves me asking, what now?  So, now I look back at that original day.  I think of the sterile waiting room and I ask myself, if I had to do over would I have just taken those papers in hand and simply walked away from it all? Those papers that would brand my son with a label for life, enabling him access to all the ‘services’ within the system that never served his needs at all.  Maybe I wouldn’t have even went into the sterile room.. Maybe I wouldn’t have even parked the car.. Maybe I wouldn’t have even made the initial phone call to get the appointment.. I mean what did those papers tell me about my son?  What insights did they offer??  They state what he could and could not do.. what skills were age appropriate and which were delayed (most were delayed).. they would state if the delay was mild, moderate, severe or profound.. they would suggest which treatments were required, behavioral therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy.. But did they encapsulate my son?  Did they offer the truth?  Could they measure his worth?  Did they know his value?  How much is your child worth?  How many hours.. how much money.. how much time would you give for them… Could these papers provide answers to these questions?

46c4aeb1ea69c5993737c84b587f80e5Perhaps rather than look for answers from the powers that be, I needed to just look for answers from the powers within… The powers within us both.

So again the question remains, what now?  Now I take the ‘lessons’ that I have learned and move forward.  The first lesson being, I can’t do this alone.. I can’t take my 1000s of hours of research and out-smart autism.. I can’t use my intellect to dig just a little deeper, work just a little harder, spend just a few more hours and then expect the answers to be revealed..  What I do now is I stand naked and vulnerable and ask for divinity.. I was not raised with religion nor did my upbringing include many conversations about the spirit world or God but I know now there is only so much that is in control of man.

I ask for prayers and support among the readers who find this.. I ask for compassion from onlookers at the grocery store who watch my 11-year-old child thrust himself upon the ground when this world becomes more than he can take.  It has become more than I can take too… I don’t give up.. No.. Never… But I surrender to the universe, I surrender to God and look for guidance.   I ask you now, God if there is a window of opportunity and that window has closed on my son that you place the rock in my hand strong enough to shatter it to pieces… Please help me find the way and I will not let you down.

Broken Window of Opportunity1
Broken Window of Opportunity!

 

P.S. Thank you for your time and attention.  Please support our campaign to raise funds for Aydan’s Son-Rise Program.

https://www.youcaring.com/aydan-boden-588027